Path of the Butterfly

What a loaded word.  And yes I am about to write about it…

It used to be that at just the mention of the word commitment  I would begin to feel as if someone had just slipped a noose around my neck and was about to pull the chair out from under me.  That was how much I liked the thought of it.  And I know a great number of people who felt, and still feel, the same.  So why so much drama around what should be a simple concept?  Where has this fear stemmed from?

This is definitely a subject that requires the attention of a full length book, however I am going to pare it down into one blog post.  And although I am going to mainly be referring to commitment from the perspective of relationships (mainly marriage/long term commitment to your partner), it can be applied on a more general level such as a commitment to work, projects etc.

I daresay that the root of commitment issues stems from the definition itself.  Or rather the interpretation of the definition by each individual. The Webster’s definition is the following:

The act of committing
The state of being committed
The act of committing, pledging or engaging oneself
A pledge or promise; obligation
Engagement, involvement

Now how we decide to take this and apply it is where everyone differs.  Why?  Is it not stated simply enough?  No.  Because each and every person’s experiences, background, culture and upbringing will influence how they interpret and apply this.

Many people look at commitment as a type of shackle.  The thought of staying with someone for the rest of eternity does not sound like a fun ride.  You need to be there day in day out, no change, no nothing.  The fear of boredom begins to set in.  Many of you out there know what I am talking about, either because you still feel that way or because you have been on the reciprocating end of it.  This is a perspective that has been bred into many of us through the experience of a variety of outside factors.   The scenarios are endless so I won’t even begin to try going into them here.   Whatever the reason or perceived reason, the result is fear.  And what is the common denominator amongst all the commitment phobes?  One little word that we find in the definition above:  obligation.  Continue reading →

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We are currently living in exciting times.
All around us systems are collapsing and new ways of doing things are being created.
We are beginning to discern between our own beliefs and the beliefs of others… and then determine: whose beliefs are we really living out?
We are seeing what is actually an illusion in our lives and what our own realities really are.
But even more importantly we are realizing what our potential realities are.
We are now understanding that we are in charge of creating our destinies.
That we are powerful beyond measure and are able to create anything we want in our life.
That we possess all the skills and abilities necessary to live out the life of our dreams.
That for way too long we have allowed others to take our power away.
But that is no more.
It is time to take over the wheel and steer ourselves in the directions of our dreams, purpose and destinies.
People everywhere are waking up.
It is a new revolution, and we are faced with the choice of whether to follow the new track or stay in the old one.

There is a new world being slowly created, individuals breaking free from what society has dictated to be “the way to live” and creating a new way.  A way where each person is contributing to society in a meaningful way, growing and learning as a person and creating happiness for themselves each step of the way.  They are the trailblazers, forging the path for the rest of us to then follow.

There used to be a point in time when we were able to forge this path naturally.  We did not have this inherent fear of our own power and realizing our dreams.  Somewhere along the way that changed though.  We began losing faith in ourselves and our priorities started changing.  We began to believe what so called “authority figures” told us on who we should be and how we should live.  It has now reached the point where we do not even question what society tells us, we just assume that is the way it should be.   To quote Seth Godin, we have been “brainwashed“.

From the moment we are small children we are modeled to be cogs in the wheels of society.   We are told what to study, who we should associate with, and what career path is best for us.  We are then convinced that climbing the corporate ladder, making X amount of dollars, and owning a house (that we are mortgaged with until death), raising a family and owning 3 cars is going to bring us happiness (thank you consumerism).  And we, without questioning any of this, follow suite.  It is a cookie cutter life and a cycle that creates, not people, but robots.  And what happens to most of those people who follow without questioning?  They reach the top.  They are making good money, own everything they are apparently supposed to, have an idyllic family and drive around in their Ferrari convertibles, showing off their symbols of what they have been taught is success.  Yet 9 times out of 10 they are miserable.  Happiness, it seems, has somehow evaded them.

To me, it is the lack of questioning that is both concerning and the root of the problem.  From childhood we are reprimanded or punished (see #37 in link) for questioning the system.  So we learn to remain quiet.  We lose that curiosity that is so fundamental in a healthy and growing mind and soul.  Our strengths, capabilities, and passions are best applied to keep the wheel turning, rather than being applied to creating our own dreams.  We consciously choose to shut down.   Anything outside of the cookie cutter mould is wrong.  We believe that our dreams are things best left to stories and the imagination.. that they have no place in the real world.     But the question then becomes:  but whose “real world” are we living in?

I believe Steve Jobs sums it up well in the following video:

The new reality is being created by people are who are now questioning.  They are standing up for what they believe in.  They followed that little nagging voice that kept telling them they were MORE, that they had great things to accomplish yet in this life.  Life was patiently waiting for them to begin.  So they broke free.  They rolled up their sleeves and said YES to their dreams and NO to the status quo.   They changed their whole perspective on how to live, what what “work” and “success” mean to them and how they can impact the world in a positive way.  They face “faith” in the face each day, some days as a friend and other days as a foe.  But they keep going.  They keep moving forward despite their fears and worries because they now know and have “tasted” what they are capable of.  Yet none of this would have happened if they had not taken the risk.

We are taught to believe that failure is bad.
But it is good.
We learn more through failure than we do success.
Life is a succession of experiences both good and “bad”.
It is through these experiences that we learn who we are.
What we want.
How to stand in our power rather than be afraid of it.
How we can contribute to the world and leave a legacy behind us.

So it is time for all of us to get out there and at least try.  Find out what we are capable of.  Find out what life has been holding in store for us.  It is time to cease turning the wheel and create a new one.

A little Inspiration to get you going…

Stories about regular people who made the choice to change

On Life’s Shortness

Lessons from Seth

A little light reading to spur you on

For the Women

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